Thursday, December 6, 2007

Daffynitions

Accretivizing – adding word count to your novel by going through everything you’ve taken out and slowly but surely putting most of it back in--Robin S.

Biblioenvy - A jealousy disorder that strikes unpublished writers when other unpublished writers score a book deal--whoever

Countarrhea - A condition that causes the writer to uncontrollably spew words onto the page, resulting in excessive word count; usually accompanied by . . .

Countstipation - the inability to trim said word count--whoever

Despondensase--The emotion that follows the realization that you failed to include a SASE with the query you mailed yesterday--Evil Editor

Ejacugiggle: Orally, or nasally, spewing a beverage on to computer hardware in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.--blogless_troll

Fraudspew: Falsely claiming to have ejacugiggled in order to gain the acceptance of one's peers--blogless_troll

Hara-Query: The act of writing a query so bad that it kills your chances of getting a request for a partial.--Bunnygirl

Insuffishink - The inevitable condition of a printer that's been told to print your entire novel, such that when you return to the room, all but four pages are too light, and must be reprinted--EE

Masqueriade - a query pretending to represent a good manuscript--Church Lady

Mass Market - book marketing relying mostly on prayer--Bill Highsmith

Optimisappointment: The disconnect between the initial enthusiasm a writer feels upon submitting a work for critique and the soul shredding contempt the work receives once people read it--blogless_troll

Plotvomit: A query writing technique in which an author spews a multitude of random, irrelevant, and often pointless plot lines into a query, in the hopes an agent or editor will welcome the author’s artistic brilliance in lieu of a story--blogless_troll

Pomposify: To make a work of fiction more literary by adding “: A Novel” to its title--blogless_troll

Pseudohook: An engaging, attention-grabbing first sentence having no apparent connection to the remainder of the query or story--blogless_troll

Queranality - retyping your query six times, each time making one inconsequential change, in the fear that the recipient is as hard-nosed as you are anal--EE

Querialization - the act of sending out a batch of queries where only the names and addresses of the recipients is changed--Smidly

Querivelocity - the speed with which a plotless and crappy query sails from an editor's/agent's hands into the trashcan--Robin S.

Submission Guy Lines - Elaborate rules surrounding the process of becoming published, which, like the ones outside a tent, you know are there, but you trip over them anyway--ME

Synapsis - Jangled nerves, often caused by the realization that the synopsis you sent off sucks--EE

Uniqueryism: The belief that the person to whom you're sending your query has not seen ten identical queries in the past 24 hours--EE

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