Thursday, December 6, 2007

Miss Snark, Literary Agent, Was Thrilled . . .

. . . to find herself trapped in an elevator with her favorite actor, George Clooney, but the strict method actor refuses, even under such dire circumstances, to abandon the "pirate" persona from his current film, O Laddie, Whar Be Thee? After two hours, the "act" has begun to wear thin. Even Miss Snark has her limits.

"Look, George, it's been two hours. Obviously they're not trying to rescue us. We could be trapped here for days."

"Aaarrrrrgh! Right ye be, Missy."

"We could die here. I could be the last woman you ever see . . . touch . . . kiss . . . "

"Aye, me last wench. 'Tis--"

"Listen, bucko, could you do me a favor till we get outta here, and can the pirate lingo?"

"Aaaarrrrrrgh! Nay, ne'er, matey." He adjusted his eye patch.

"You realize you're ruining ten years of delicious fantasies, don't you?"

"Avast, ye smarmy--"

"Fuck. I knew I should have gone with Hugh Grant or EE. Look, George, someone's gotta climb through that door in the ceiling and figure out how to get help."

"Aaaaarrrrrrrrghhhh! Ye can't lift me that thar high, I be too heavy for the likes o' ye. I'll 'ave to lift thee."

"Fine. Whatever. Maybe I'll get lucky and there'll be someone in the elevator shaft who speaks English."

George squatted below the escape hatch. "Stand on me shoulders. That's it . . . Aaaaarrrrrrrgh!"


"Yer stilettos! They're diggin into me shoul--"

"Wimp. Dog, did I ever have you figured wrong."

"Can ye open th' hatch?" He looked up. "Whoa!"

"Now what?"

"Missy, I've plundered me share o' booty in me day, but that's the prettiest booty I e'er did lay me eyes on."

Miss Snark dropped to the floor and threw her arms around George. "Why Cap'n," she said. "Be that a cutlass in yer breeches, or arrrgh ye just 'appy t' see me?"


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